Time for some derogatory remarks. How to discuss your pleasure with your partner is a topic that has long been neglected in sex education. Although communication is the key to most relationship advice, it’s simple to put off discussing sex until something is “wrong,” such when your desire is down or there has been a dry spell. Some might feel uncomfortable discussing sex since, ironically, it’s not really “sexy.”
We truly don’t have any instances of sex, according to Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, so it seems sense that we don’t want to talk about it. “On TV, people seldom discuss their plans with one another, which only gives us the impression that sex.
On the big screen, sex often appears flawless, effortless, and natural. And while though most of us can reason that TV and movies don’t reflect actual life, it’s only natural that we internalize this expectation when we often see it in action. Vanessa continues, “We believe that’s how our sexual lives should be, and if that’s not the case, something must be wrong with us.
She and her husband, Xander Marin, have experienced this disconnect firsthand in their own relationship. “We struggled in our own sex life and really had to muck through things without a ton of guidance and support,” Vanessa shares. And so the two wrote “Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life”, which offers step-by-step guidance on how to become more comfortable talking about sex with your partner, including building emotional and physical intimacy in the process.
The book centres around five conversations: acknowledgment (“Sex is a thing, and we have it”), connection (“What do we need to feel connected to each other?”), desire (“What do we each need to get turned on?”), pleasure (“What do we each need to feel good?”), and finally, exploration (“What should we try next?”). “It’s meant in a way to mimic the arc of a sexual experience,” Xander, who offers a non-expert perspective, explains.
With more than 300,000 followers on Instagram and a popular podcast (called “Pillow Talks”), it’s clear that the advice resonates with many. POPSUGAR spoke with Vanessa and Xander about how to improve your communication skills with your partner in order to improve your sex life.
